Writing prompt: Being Afraid

We fight all the time, I thought. Just another stupid fight we’ll pretend didn’t happen later… My gut told me I was wrong, but I’ve always hated being wrong, so I kept going, kept spitting the vitriol I knew fueled these moments.
Why do I do this? I asked myself. Why do I keep adding fuel to this hellfire? I hated fighting with him. It made us both stay stupid things we didn’t mean. Neither of us knew how to be wrong or concede, so it turned into this.
I screamed. I told him I was done with this conversation, that we weren’t getting anywhere, that these arguments never change anything, that this was pointless. I turned to walk away and froze at the words he said in response. My vision went fuzzy, my ears rang, and the world around me seemed to slow.
I couldn’t tell you what time it was, what room I was in at this point. What day was it? I couldn’t remember a single detail of that moment. All I remember is being afraid to turn around. Being afraid he’d repeat those words that I must have heard incorrectly. He doesn’t mean it, does he? He said it in a moment of rage, in a moment of frustration at me walking away, done with the fighting. If he meant it, everything changed. I don’t want change. I hate change. If I stayed frozen like this, it means I can stay in this exact point in time, right? The exact moment before I turned around and my world shattered like that window from my childhood, leaving jagged pieces and scars that may never fully heal. If I don’t turn around, then its not real, right?

Writing prompt courtesy of Promptuarium.

Getting to know myself better.

Long ago, I spent hours upon hours a week writing. Not just random blogs rambling on about the horror I thought my life was at age 16, or how cute the new boy I was dating was (plot twist, he was a jerk), but poems and stories and lyrics that I poured my heart into. Some of them, looking back, are INCREDIBLY cringe. Some I still look at fondly. Some were shared back in my Myspace or Xanga days, and others never saw the light of another’s computer backlight. Regardless of whether they were shared or not, I found that I understood what was truly on my heart a bit better after I wrote, and it was a self discovery tool I often miss.

This new section of my site is dedicated to me getting back to my creative roots. Some of the things I share here will be older writings, and some of it will be new. There will be a sub section for writing prompts that I’ve been stockpiling for a couple years now (I will make sure to link the source, which will OFTEN be a lovely site called Promptuarium, as I get their prompts in my email daily!) In case you struggle to find it, you can find that page here. There may also end up being other subsections further down the road, depending on what I decide to post. This is just the starting point!

I’m by no means a bestselling novelist, so please be kind. If you enjoy them, great. If not, that’s okay too. That’s the beauty of artistic expression, even when using written word as the chosen medium at the moment. Whether you like them all or not, I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little better through a different kind of sharing.