Writing prompt: Being Afraid

We fight all the time, I thought. Just another stupid fight we’ll pretend didn’t happen later… My gut told me I was wrong, but I’ve always hated being wrong, so I kept going, kept spitting the vitriol I knew fueled these moments.
Why do I do this? I asked myself. Why do I keep adding fuel to this hellfire? I hated fighting with him. It made us both stay stupid things we didn’t mean. Neither of us knew how to be wrong or concede, so it turned into this.
I screamed. I told him I was done with this conversation, that we weren’t getting anywhere, that these arguments never change anything, that this was pointless. I turned to walk away and froze at the words he said in response. My vision went fuzzy, my ears rang, and the world around me seemed to slow.
I couldn’t tell you what time it was, what room I was in at this point. What day was it? I couldn’t remember a single detail of that moment. All I remember is being afraid to turn around. Being afraid he’d repeat those words that I must have heard incorrectly. He doesn’t mean it, does he? He said it in a moment of rage, in a moment of frustration at me walking away, done with the fighting. If he meant it, everything changed. I don’t want change. I hate change. If I stayed frozen like this, it means I can stay in this exact point in time, right? The exact moment before I turned around and my world shattered like that window from my childhood, leaving jagged pieces and scars that may never fully heal. If I don’t turn around, then its not real, right?

Writing prompt courtesy of Promptuarium.

Getting to know myself better.

Long ago, I spent hours upon hours a week writing. Not just random blogs rambling on about the horror I thought my life was at age 16, or how cute the new boy I was dating was (plot twist, he was a jerk), but poems and stories and lyrics that I poured my heart into. Some of them, looking back, are INCREDIBLY cringe. Some I still look at fondly. Some were shared back in my Myspace or Xanga days, and others never saw the light of another’s computer backlight. Regardless of whether they were shared or not, I found that I understood what was truly on my heart a bit better after I wrote, and it was a self discovery tool I often miss.

This new section of my site is dedicated to me getting back to my creative roots. Some of the things I share here will be older writings, and some of it will be new. There will be a sub section for writing prompts that I’ve been stockpiling for a couple years now (I will make sure to link the source, which will OFTEN be a lovely site called Promptuarium, as I get their prompts in my email daily!) In case you struggle to find it, you can find that page here. There may also end up being other subsections further down the road, depending on what I decide to post. This is just the starting point!

I’m by no means a bestselling novelist, so please be kind. If you enjoy them, great. If not, that’s okay too. That’s the beauty of artistic expression, even when using written word as the chosen medium at the moment. Whether you like them all or not, I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little better through a different kind of sharing.

What was that? A wild POST appears!

I’m one of those creatives who has a LOT, and I mean a METRIC BLEEP TON, of ideas. Its the only way to describe it, though in my mind that word rang VERY loudly. So imagine my brain, (which just tried to spell that word as “brian”) on a daily basis with all these ideas. They sound great. I want to do them immediately. Then, I break back to reality to discover its 9:56 a.m. on a Tuesday and my daily check in meeting is about to start. Mental note to work on that idea later.

Rinse. Repeat.

If you could see my home studio, you’d understand. It looks great, until you look closer. Upon further inspection, you’ll find a large repotoire of projects started, and then promptly set aside because I found another I wanted to do. Or, I was terrified of messing it up, and never even bothered to start. That happen’s a lot. I promise I’m getting better with this.

So, you’ll understand when you look at this blog and see that it hasn’t been updated since March. I promise you, I think of it daily. I think of all the amazing things I could write about. The creative writing pieces I could create and post and share. The projects I could do, and then talk about, post on Instagram, and share with the world. I genuinely think about this on the daily and still very much want this.

I recently participated in an event (socially distanced, masked up, and thoroughly doused in 70%+ hand sanitizer on a regular) that seriously rekindled that fire I needed under me bum. Its been a rough year for everyone, but that’s a story for another day, another post. For now, I’m focusing on the good it has brought.

This year has brought a lot of life lessons. A lot of reformed goals, re-realized dreams, and a whole lot of wine, if we’re being honest. How else would I deal with the massive cluster this year has been? Dying my hair blue and purple?

My rebrand was meant to be a launching point, but it never quite launched. I guess there’s no time better than the future… er present. Or, is it past…?

Reverie Castle Studios. A castle full of sweet memories that you hold dear. That’s what my brain will always be. (Yes, BRAIN. You’re spelled BRAIN. Not brian, get with it. And who’s Brian?)

So hi again! I hope you still like me, you’ll be seeing more of me on this site. And this time, my hair matches 😉